by Viki Kind

One of the most important things you can to do is to find out why the senior is resisting the changes that need to be made. Don’t assume that this senior is like all of your other clients. Listen carefully to discover what is important to this particular senior. Once you know what the concern is, then you can begin to solve it.

Here are some of the reasons seniors don’t want to make the changes:

• When you walk in the door, seniors are already tired of their family bossing them around.
• They want it to be their decision. They don’t want the decision forced on them.
• They worry that this is the beginning of more unwanted changes coming their way.
• They have been careful with their money and now you are telling them to spend their savings.
• They need more time to make the decision. They don’t want you to rush them.
• They may be in denial.
• They may not feel well, and maybe today isn’t the right day to talk about these issues.
• They may be in the early stages of dementia.

If you noticed, none of these issues are about the actual plan you are offering. The underlying issues that cause their resistance are found in how they are being treated, what the plan represents to them and what is going on with their health.

Seniors needing control over their life is the primary reason that seniors resist change. They have been making their own decisions their whole life and they still want to be in charge. But now you and their family are trying to push them into decisions they aren’t ready to make. Include the senior in the decision-making process by listening to and respecting their ideas.

Seniors may not have the strength to make these decisions. Perhaps you can spread out this conversation over multiple visits or meet at the time of day when they are feeling their best. Don’t guess what will work for the senior, ask. And don’t assume that the senior is losing capacity just because he disagrees with you.

If the person is truly in denial, there may be little you can do immediately. You can’t force your way through someone’s denial. Denial is a self-protection mode our brain uses to protect us from painful realizations that we are not ready to face. The senior knows that you wouldn’t be there if he were still healthy. Your being there represents the loss of his health and independence. You can’t move him out of denial until he is ready. But if you take their concerns seriously, they may begin to feel more independent again and be willing to consider what you are offering.

Viki Kind, Bioethicist
Viki Kind is a bioethicist, medical educator and a personal healthcare strategist.

Click Here to learn more about Viki Kind

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• 5 Communication Techniques for Resistant Seniors